Negative thoughts, go away

This blog is has become an avenue where I thrash my thoughts cos I don’t think many people suscribe to it anyway.

Lol.

Sometimes I really feel unwanted. The phrase 无事不蹬三宝店 is so apt. People don’t think of you when you’re not of use. When they knock at your doorstep, you know something is required out of you.

I really really really don’t want to feel this way.

Take for example. I have 2 best friends but they seem to be so preoccupied at times that I’m just “discarded” at the back of their heads. Come on, dropping me a text or giving me a ring takes only 5 minutes at most.

Then I try to take initiative. Gets rejected most of the time due to their schedule. Ayah, this is perplexing.

Dear God, I am angsty. Why do they matter to me? should I put less importance on them? Are friends just people who have fun with you? Where are the promises? Do they fade with time?

Im really getting cynical. Its growing with age. I used to reject what my parents said. Friends are temporary. They wouldnt last. Is that true God?

Who understands me? I dont really confide these feelings cos I’d feel vulnerable and open, and I need to feel absolutely protected when I share.

I long to feel wanted, feel loved, feel that I’m of help, feel that Im important.

Why? beneath the happy, hopeful self is an empty shell of what used to be.

Please, If you are there oh Lord, answer my cries, and give me an answer to all these. Satisfy my longings and make me whole again.